“It’s like the universe is supporting who you are in the world…”
When I read things like this I can’t help but feel validated. Like perhaps I’m not actually delusional. Maybe I really am special. Maybe I really do have a greater purpose in this life. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not crazy when I say, I’m here to make an impact.
It’s hard to know, when I’m being logical vs when I’m having thoughts of grandiosity. Being Bipolar is so tricky. You find yourself constantly questioning whether the happiness you feel is normal and healthy or if it’s hypomania or even a manic episode creeping in. Wondering if the happiness is warranted and welcoming it seems so normal right? For me, I question, is this reality? Are things actually good or is this the hypomania? Am I going to hit a really bad depression again after this? Am I rapid cycling?
These thoughts are EXHAUSTING.
What’s even more exhausting though, is the constant anxiety thinking that I might be freaking delusional! Sometimes, when I talk about myself and tell people how I feel I start to worry that they will think I’m just crazy and it’s “crazy talk”. I feel like I sound like Kanye West when I talk sometimes. Which, wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t recently known for freaking out during his manic episodes.
Bipolar disorder… why must you make life so exhausting.