HOPE, no more…

*This was posted on my private Facebook. I figured it was worth it’s own blog post.*

I’m sitting here wondering, when did it change? How did it change?
I’m not sure…
Perhaps it was with talking to her? Maybe somehow knowing that the same thing happened just after me? Or was starting to happen I should say, maybe that helped set me free? Maybe in some weird way, it made me realize that I wasn’t really demonic and chaotic? Ok ok at least not all the time. Lol.

Seriously though. Someway, somehow, I finally did just let go. You’re probably thinking I should’ve done that years ago, right? But that’s the thing about “Love,” it comes and goes as it pleases when you’re least expecting of it. You can’t force it. Neither which way, can you force it. It just happens. & it happened.

I fell in love, after hearing a dude spit some song lyrics that struck a chord. I fell in love. It was a stupid stupid chaotic toxic love, but it was love. At least for me it was… For me, it was a deep love. One of the deepest loves I had ever known. Sure, he was the worst, but he also could be the very best. That’s what was so hard to let go of. Despite the good though, I’m learning to recognize and really analyze the bad.

If someone can treat you poorly and not feel any remorse or even care, they don’t deserve your energy in their life. Just like him. I finally realized my worth. I finally realized, if people don’t treat me like a respectable human being, then they don’t need to exist in my life, nor in my mind. This planet is huge, and covered with many many more human beings that are willing to give you the respect you deserve and more. When I speak of respect, I’m mostly referring to honesty. If they can’t be completely honest, then they aren’t worth the brain waves.

I wanted to be friends, it was better than nothing. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t completely let go, because I felt the love so strongly still. I knew we wouldn’t be together again, but I still had, hope. Well, now that hope is gone. Go ahead, sell the painting. The word HOPE, is no longer tied to us. Just the way it came, it finally went away. That love is gone, it’s dead, it can’t come back.

What I’m trying to say is, my heart finally feels FREE! If you’ve known me since Florida, you know how much that really means! I know, it took forever, but at least it finally happened.

Number blocked ❌ with no intent of ever speaking ever again.
There’s just no need. I am enough, and I had enough.

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