You didn’t deserve me. You don’t deserve me.

Straight from my private Tumblr.

I’ve been saying this forever… It’s time to make it reality. It’s time to let go completely. Let go of the memories. Let go of the “love”. & Most importantly, let go of the “friendship.”

You don’t deserve me one bit. You never did. I don’t know what you got from completely tearing me down but then talking highly of me to others. Why tear me down to my face? Then turn around and say great things about me? It was so confusing. You were always confusing. Manipulating. You were constantly manipulating. Not only me, but the situations.

I don’t want to talk bad about you. I never wanted to before either. I only always bragged about how amazing you were… You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve that.

Married? Like really, really, married? You were MARRIED to her? & I never knew… How naive. I didn’t think so then, I was 23 I thought I knew everything. Oh I was so wrong.

I trusted you. I fell for you. I thought I would be safe with you. I was so wrong.

I don’t blame you for anything, anymore. I accept myself as I am. I take responsibility for my own actions. That doesn’t stop me from admitting that you purposely triggered me though. You knew I wasn’t well. It’s ok though, I forgive you.

I thought I forgave you long ago, but I realize now, that I didn’t. I still held on to so much pain. All the pain you put me through. I was harboring it. I don’t know why. I still blamed myself I guess. I still thought it was all my fault. I was so wrong.

You’re stuck in a cycle. I tried to break you out. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve that.

So stay in the cycle. Stay in the cycle forever until you’re bitter and alone and broke and everything you’re afraid of but running towards. Go ahead. Stay there. But STOP pulling the lotuses down into the murky water. Stop trying to drown them with you. We don’t deserve that. We deserve to bloom, to shine, to share our light with the world. So STOP hurting the good ones, especially for the one’s who aren’t worth a damn.

Scars.

They faded. People hardly notice them now. It’s all a distant memory now… just like you. Just like you should’ve been all along.

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