Not Ashamed, Just Forgetful

This weekend I spent my time in Denver, Colorado & although I didn’t do much, it was one of the best trips.

It was a great trip, not because of the adventures, not because of the new friends I made, but it was great because I actually felt great! The last trip I went on was to Las Vegas & I almost felt like it was a waste because I was in such a bad depression that it wasn’t even enjoyable.

This time though, this time was a blast! There’s so much art in Denver I truly felt stimulated! There’s so much more to see in Colorado though. It’s just an hour flight, so I’m sure I’ll be back. 😉

The reason for the blog today though, isn’t to talk about my trip. No, it’s to once again talk about my mental health. Surprise surprise. Lol. No really though, I felt so great on my trip that I was forgetting to take my meds. I didn’t think it would affect me as much, but truth is, it is. I only went a couple days, but that was all I needed to put me into a slight depression where I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I felt sick to my stomach. I woke up feeling so weird. Not weird, just different from how I have been waking up feeling everyday. Today, I almost thought I was sick. However, I kept thinking about it & realized, I was feeling the physical symptoms of depression and anxiety once again.

I slept today. I slept a lot. I was so sick to my stomach that I couldn’t work. My allergies were bad this morning, as they have been since it’s gotten colder, so I truly thought I might be sick. But the more I slept, I realized, I wasn’t just exhausted, I just didn’t want to be awake yet. I couldn’t fully be awake until about an hour or two ago. Which was 5pm.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. It’s a cycle. I feel ok. I feel like I can get away with not taking my meds for a few days. Truth is though, I need to stay consistent. I need to keep taking care of myself. I can’t fall off the wagon. I can’t have history repeat itself because of my own neglect. I can’t allow myself to get back in to that dark place all because I’m too lazy to swallow pills at night.

Taking care of your mental health can be hard. It definitely is a life long journey. Which is something I always feared. I hated the idea of needing meds for the rest of my life. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be able to leave them all. Maybe I’ll finally learn how to tackle this thing called life. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to have real balance in my life. For now I still don’t though. So I need to stay consistent. So I’m writing this for myself. As a reminder, to just take the damn meds. I’m not ashamed of them, I’m no longer scared of them. But damn, taking multiple pills a day gets exhausting in itself.

Often times I find myself wishing I was “normal.”

But what does “normal” even mean? Does it mean hiding your true feelings, thoughts, and emotions, all so society has no reason to question your sanity? I don’t know about you, but I’m over normal, so let’s stop making “normal” the thing we all aspire to be.

Aspire to always remain Authentic.

Being authentic means being true to you.

So Aspire to Be Authentic, Always. In all that you do.

Take the trip you’ve always wanted to take. Do all the things you’ve always wanted to do, even if it’s just you. Don’t hold back, don’t wait for others.

The Earth is too beautiful for us to stay in one place.

I hope you allow yourself to witness the beauty all around you.

Fall in love with life. Fall in love with being you. ✨

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