Why do I always feel like a second choice? Why don’t I ever feel like anyone thinks I’m worth it?
Could it be that I’m actually not? Not worth it I mean? Not worth a damn to a man.
If I’m not worth a damn then why do I crave being held by a man? If I’m not worth a damn, then why can’t I just be gone? Be done? Be free from this misery.
I’m not even exaggerating. Feeling like I’m never good enough is a miserable feeling that I don’t want to feel anymore.
I found self love. I found self worth. But damn the loneliness is hard.
It’s hard not to feel lonely when absolutely everyone around you has someone special holding their heart and here I am, years later with nobody to hold.
Without a single person that I actually give a fuck about to tell me I’m beautiful.
Maybe I’m not.
Maybe it’s all a pretty picture I painted in my mind but it’s not an accurate depiction of myself at this time.
I’m tired of being lonely. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of hoping and wishing that I’d finally find a man that’s worth a damn that sees the worth in me too.
Forever alone. I always said it. Guess I manifested it.