Black Hole

A black hole. That’s what I used to call my depression. Every time I felt it creeping back up I would say that I was falling back into my black hole. “A black hole is a region of space time where gravity is so strong that nothing - no particles or even electromagnetic radiation such... Continue Reading →

Minor Setbacks Won’t Destroy Me

I stumbled for a moment. Sure, it really sucked. But you know what? Despite the setbacks, I am proving to myself EVERY DAY that I’m slowly maintaining control of myself, my emotions, my actions, and my life. Sure, I still feel intensely & when things happen - my BPD flares up. However, no longer am... Continue Reading →

.Never Enough.

Why do I always feel like a second choice? Why don’t I ever feel like anyone thinks I’m worth it? Could it be that I’m actually not? Not worth it I mean? Not worth a damn to a man. If I’m not worth a damn then why do I crave being held by a man?... Continue Reading →

3/7/22 – Nightmares of You

“All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long”… These lyrics I used to find comfort in, because they reminded me of you. I used to find comfort in the thought of lying next to you. Now I can’t sleep because my nights are consumed by nightmares of you. Nightmares. Nightmares. Nightmares are what... Continue Reading →

Silent Cries

*TW= ATTEMPT God help me. God help me. God help me. I truly meant it, I was pleading. I was praying. I was begging. Nobody could hear me though. I needed some sort of light in my life. Things were getting so dark. I knew I needed help. I was trying to get help. I... Continue Reading →

TMS Saved Me

Recently, I’ve talked a lot about how bad my last relationship was. I’ve mentioned a lot of the horrible things I had to sit through because I chose to stay. I chose to beg and ask this person to stay with me because I loved him & I believed he loved me so I thought... Continue Reading →

Spotless Mind

Do you remember this? Do you remember having this very photograph on your phone’s wallpaper for a very brief moment? I do. I remember a lot. I remember it all. You used to call me beautiful. You used to call me babe. You used to love taking my photograph & sharing it with your friends.... Continue Reading →

Bruises & Black Eyes?

I bet when you read bruises and black eyes, you thought it was me with them. It wasn’t though. I’m not going to sit here and act like I was innocent or always the victim either. Well, maybe I was a victim, and that caused me to act out. Either way, I can’t not take... Continue Reading →

Like a Dream

I wrote about you. I wrote about you again last night. I hadn’t been inspired in awhile. Then I watched that video & I cried so much. I cried so much so I wrote. It was like I was writing to you, but honestly, I don’t even care if you read it. You were there.... Continue Reading →

Out of The Darkness

I debated sharing this. I hate when people see me cry. I just felt this needed to be shared. I thought, if I'm going to be authentic, if I'm going to show you the real me, then I need to show this too...

Not Ashamed, Just Forgetful

This weekend I spent my time in Denver, Colorado & although I didn’t do much, it was one of the best trips. It was a great trip, not because of the adventures, not because of the new friends I made, but it was great because I actually felt great! The last trip I went on... Continue Reading →

Warrior Status

Scars. I talk about them a lot. I try to embrace them. I try not to dwell on them too much. Truth is, if I allow myself, I’ll get lost. Just looking at a scar, just thinking about how it got there, can just lead me down the rabbit hole. It’s like, I’m instantly back... Continue Reading →

HOPE, no more…

*This was posted on my private Facebook. I figured it was worth it’s own blog post.* I'm sitting here wondering, when did it change? How did it change?I'm not sure…Perhaps it was with talking to her? Maybe somehow knowing that the same thing happened just after me? Or was starting to happen I should say,... Continue Reading →

March 27, 2013

Straight from my private Tumblr. Day 1. Day 1. That was really, Day 1. The day I took psych meds for the first time. The day I finally decided to give in. It’s so weird looking back. Just reading that gives me flashbacks & I am literally in that moment. I didn’t want to give... Continue Reading →

¿ Delusional or Intuitive ?

“It’s like the universe is supporting who you are in the world…” When I read things like this I can’t help but feel validated. Like perhaps I’m not actually delusional. Maybe I really am special. Maybe I really do have a greater purpose in this life. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not crazy when I say,... Continue Reading →

The infamous random cleaning spree

Blame it on the depression, blame it on the ADHD, whatever the reason may be, it usually takes me forever to get the urge to clean. When I finally do get that sudden burst of energy it’s intense! It’s like once I’m in the zone there’s no stopping me until I’m done. Or until I... Continue Reading →

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