Black Hole

A black hole. That’s what I used to call my depression. Every time I felt it creeping back up I would say that I was falling back into my black hole. “A black hole is a region of space time where gravity is so strong that nothing - no particles or even electromagnetic radiation such... Continue Reading →

Minor Setbacks Won’t Destroy Me

I stumbled for a moment. Sure, it really sucked. But you know what? Despite the setbacks, I am proving to myself EVERY DAY that I’m slowly maintaining control of myself, my emotions, my actions, and my life. Sure, I still feel intensely & when things happen - my BPD flares up. However, no longer am... Continue Reading →

.Never Enough.

Why do I always feel like a second choice? Why don’t I ever feel like anyone thinks I’m worth it? Could it be that I’m actually not? Not worth it I mean? Not worth a damn to a man. If I’m not worth a damn then why do I crave being held by a man?... Continue Reading →

Don’t Kiss Me

Don’t kiss me just to kiss me Please don’t do it just to do it If you know it will mean nothing Then please no touching I can’t take the mind games I can’t take the twists & turns It’s all the signals That end with bad words They get in my head They break... Continue Reading →

TMS Saved Me

Recently, I’ve talked a lot about how bad my last relationship was. I’ve mentioned a lot of the horrible things I had to sit through because I chose to stay. I chose to beg and ask this person to stay with me because I loved him & I believed he loved me so I thought... Continue Reading →

Stepping Stone

“Somebody left me feeling empty, Somebody ripped me at the seams” Somebody stole my heart, then crushed it with my dreams… & that somebody was you. I used to write about everything I was grateful for, I used to write about being grateful for you & all the things you would do… I thought things... Continue Reading →

The Dreamy Guy That Got Away

Since I called myself out on the violent part, why not keep it going. So I say this a lot, but I really did only have eyes for him for the longest. He had the most handsome face I had ever seen, or so I thought. I thought this throughout our whole relationship. It’s even... Continue Reading →

Bruises & Black Eyes?

I bet when you read bruises and black eyes, you thought it was me with them. It wasn’t though. I’m not going to sit here and act like I was innocent or always the victim either. Well, maybe I was a victim, and that caused me to act out. Either way, I can’t not take... Continue Reading →

Lesson Learned

Straight from my private blog. I knew it from the very beginning. We both knew. So why did we stay in it? It makes absolutely no sense. I constantly blamed myself and my fucked up brain. I always blamed my depression for everything. I didn’t realize, you were pushing me into the depression. Every time... Continue Reading →

Like a Dream

I wrote about you. I wrote about you again last night. I hadn’t been inspired in awhile. Then I watched that video & I cried so much. I cried so much so I wrote. It was like I was writing to you, but honestly, I don’t even care if you read it. You were there.... Continue Reading →

I was there… I remember it…

All too well… Damn you Taylor Swift. Damn you & your brilliant mind and beautiful heart. I, like many others, cried to your freaking video. Why? Because, “I remembered it all too well.” But did you? I know I said I was over it, over you. I couldn’t help but feel like I was watching... Continue Reading →

November 2020

All it takes for me to get attached to someone is for them to share a deeper connection with me, then I instantly get hooked. A few deep, mind stimulating conversations, and I'll find myself obsessing over this person for days on end. Fantasizing about a life together, a future. I actually thought for a... Continue Reading →

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