Black Hole

A black hole. That’s what I used to call my depression. Every time I felt it creeping back up I would say that I was falling back into my black hole. “A black hole is a region of space time where gravity is so strong that nothing - no particles or even electromagnetic radiation such... Continue Reading →

Minor Setbacks Won’t Destroy Me

I stumbled for a moment. Sure, it really sucked. But you know what? Despite the setbacks, I am proving to myself EVERY DAY that I’m slowly maintaining control of myself, my emotions, my actions, and my life. Sure, I still feel intensely & when things happen - my BPD flares up. However, no longer am... Continue Reading →

.Never Enough.

Why do I always feel like a second choice? Why don’t I ever feel like anyone thinks I’m worth it? Could it be that I’m actually not? Not worth it I mean? Not worth a damn to a man. If I’m not worth a damn then why do I crave being held by a man?... Continue Reading →

Don’t Kiss Me

Don’t kiss me just to kiss me Please don’t do it just to do it If you know it will mean nothing Then please no touching I can’t take the mind games I can’t take the twists & turns It’s all the signals That end with bad words They get in my head They break... Continue Reading →

Silent Cries

*TW= ATTEMPT God help me. God help me. God help me. I truly meant it, I was pleading. I was praying. I was begging. Nobody could hear me though. I needed some sort of light in my life. Things were getting so dark. I knew I needed help. I was trying to get help. I... Continue Reading →

TMS Saved Me

Recently, I’ve talked a lot about how bad my last relationship was. I’ve mentioned a lot of the horrible things I had to sit through because I chose to stay. I chose to beg and ask this person to stay with me because I loved him & I believed he loved me so I thought... Continue Reading →

Bruises & Black Eyes?

I bet when you read bruises and black eyes, you thought it was me with them. It wasn’t though. I’m not going to sit here and act like I was innocent or always the victim either. Well, maybe I was a victim, and that caused me to act out. Either way, I can’t not take... Continue Reading →

Lesson Learned

Straight from my private blog. I knew it from the very beginning. We both knew. So why did we stay in it? It makes absolutely no sense. I constantly blamed myself and my fucked up brain. I always blamed my depression for everything. I didn’t realize, you were pushing me into the depression. Every time... Continue Reading →

Wait a minute…

I realized, a week has gone by & I’ve yet to post. I don’t want that to happen. I want to stay consistent. So I scrambled & searched & found these thoughts of mine in my notes from 8.5.2021. So here ya go… I told you, everything is random, nothing goes… just go with it.... Continue Reading →

¿ Delusional or Intuitive ?

“It’s like the universe is supporting who you are in the world…” When I read things like this I can’t help but feel validated. Like perhaps I’m not actually delusional. Maybe I really am special. Maybe I really do have a greater purpose in this life. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not crazy when I say,... Continue Reading →

November 2020

All it takes for me to get attached to someone is for them to share a deeper connection with me, then I instantly get hooked. A few deep, mind stimulating conversations, and I'll find myself obsessing over this person for days on end. Fantasizing about a life together, a future. I actually thought for a... Continue Reading →

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