Black Hole

A black hole. That’s what I used to call my depression. Every time I felt it creeping back up I would say that I was falling back into my black hole. “A black hole is a region of space time where gravity is so strong that nothing - no particles or even electromagnetic radiation such... Continue Reading →

Minor Setbacks Won’t Destroy Me

I stumbled for a moment. Sure, it really sucked. But you know what? Despite the setbacks, I am proving to myself EVERY DAY that I’m slowly maintaining control of myself, my emotions, my actions, and my life. Sure, I still feel intensely & when things happen - my BPD flares up. However, no longer am... Continue Reading →

.Never Enough.

Why do I always feel like a second choice? Why don’t I ever feel like anyone thinks I’m worth it? Could it be that I’m actually not? Not worth it I mean? Not worth a damn to a man. If I’m not worth a damn then why do I crave being held by a man?... Continue Reading →

Don’t Kiss Me

Don’t kiss me just to kiss me Please don’t do it just to do it If you know it will mean nothing Then please no touching I can’t take the mind games I can’t take the twists & turns It’s all the signals That end with bad words They get in my head They break... Continue Reading →

Rejection.

Rejection… How can I not fear it when it’s proven itself to be inevitable? It’s time to face the truth. I’ll never be the one they adore. I’ll never be the girl that can make his face light up as soon as she walks through the door. I’ll never be someone’s first choice. I’ll never... Continue Reading →

I Believed You

I believed you when you said that you loved me I believed you when you said there was nobody else I believed you when you said they were lying I believed you when you said that you cared I believed you, even over my best friends I believed you, over everyone else I believed you... Continue Reading →

3/7/22 – Nightmares of You

“All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long”… These lyrics I used to find comfort in, because they reminded me of you. I used to find comfort in the thought of lying next to you. Now I can’t sleep because my nights are consumed by nightmares of you. Nightmares. Nightmares. Nightmares are what... Continue Reading →

Silent Cries

*TW= ATTEMPT God help me. God help me. God help me. I truly meant it, I was pleading. I was praying. I was begging. Nobody could hear me though. I needed some sort of light in my life. Things were getting so dark. I knew I needed help. I was trying to get help. I... Continue Reading →

Stepping Stone

“Somebody left me feeling empty, Somebody ripped me at the seams” Somebody stole my heart, then crushed it with my dreams… & that somebody was you. I used to write about everything I was grateful for, I used to write about being grateful for you & all the things you would do… I thought things... Continue Reading →

Bruises & Black Eyes?

I bet when you read bruises and black eyes, you thought it was me with them. It wasn’t though. I’m not going to sit here and act like I was innocent or always the victim either. Well, maybe I was a victim, and that caused me to act out. Either way, I can’t not take... Continue Reading →

Lesson Learned

Straight from my private blog. I knew it from the very beginning. We both knew. So why did we stay in it? It makes absolutely no sense. I constantly blamed myself and my fucked up brain. I always blamed my depression for everything. I didn’t realize, you were pushing me into the depression. Every time... Continue Reading →

Like a Dream

I wrote about you. I wrote about you again last night. I hadn’t been inspired in awhile. Then I watched that video & I cried so much. I cried so much so I wrote. It was like I was writing to you, but honestly, I don’t even care if you read it. You were there.... Continue Reading →

I was there… I remember it…

All too well… Damn you Taylor Swift. Damn you & your brilliant mind and beautiful heart. I, like many others, cried to your freaking video. Why? Because, “I remembered it all too well.” But did you? I know I said I was over it, over you. I couldn’t help but feel like I was watching... Continue Reading →

Warrior Status

Scars. I talk about them a lot. I try to embrace them. I try not to dwell on them too much. Truth is, if I allow myself, I’ll get lost. Just looking at a scar, just thinking about how it got there, can just lead me down the rabbit hole. It’s like, I’m instantly back... Continue Reading →

HOPE, no more…

*This was posted on my private Facebook. I figured it was worth it’s own blog post.* I'm sitting here wondering, when did it change? How did it change?I'm not sure…Perhaps it was with talking to her? Maybe somehow knowing that the same thing happened just after me? Or was starting to happen I should say,... Continue Reading →

Elixir

You need them all. To cover up your misery. It’s like your elixir. It makes you feel alive, because in all reality, you’re already dead inside.

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